Emergent Prophet here…I am writing in my diary this evening and may post to my web-blog later. So if you are reading this online, I guess I decided to vent in public. After all, isn’t that what it’s all about…if you got a beef (no pun intended as you will see later) about something or someone, the best thing to do is to post it online, or put it on my Facebook page so that when people disagree with my opinions and ideas, then I can denigrate them and have my peeples beat them up online with scathing critiques and well thought out editorials. I think that this is best. Well, anyway, what has me up late tonight (besides not wanting to miss another episode of Letterman and How I Met Your Mother) is that I am steamed about getting thrown out of the Vegan Rally and Fruitfest earlier today.
Here’s how it went down…
I had my booth set up at the Fair, I had paid my fees, had my license in hand and was all set up to try to make some much-needed funds to help pay for my botox injection, when some crazed, fanatical, apparently right-wing crazies from the Vegan Party came all unglued and went postal on me. They said that I had no right to be selling hot dogs, hamburgers and bratwursts (real meat mind you…nothing but) at their Fair. I said that I had paid my dues, had my license, it was all LEGAL mind you, and so I didn’t see the problem. They said that this was a VEGETARIAN outing and so selling of meat was offensive and would not be tolerated. I disagreed. They threw me out.
But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me give you a bit of background…
I am a vegetarian. My parents were vegetarians. My grandparents were vegetarians. In fact, my great-grandfather was vegetarian prophet of sorts – he had an organic garden, he was always preaching to people about the benefits of the vegan diet and all. So, I was born a vegetarian. My parents took me to vegetarian meetings, they made me learn stuff about vegetarians, had me memorize vegetarian mantras, and would read to me from the Big Book of Vegetarian Teachings each night. I am a vegetarian.
But, one day I left home and went away to college. It was there that I had my in-bred, farm-boy, narrow-minded vegetarian world blown away.
It started off slowly at first. I met some guys at the dorm on the first day and they jokingly told me that they would have me eating meat by the end of the year. I was convinced that they were wrong, that I was born a vegetarian and couldn’t change, but they were persistent, and they were nice to me. I went to the cafeteria with these meat-eaters and there would be hamburgers, pork chops, meatloaf or whatever and they would always try to get me to just try a bite of meat, but I stuck to my guns (though I find real guns offensive and think that they should be banned by the government, who needs guns today anyway and who cares about what some fascists thought about 200 years ago?) and would only eat fruit and veggies, with the occasional triscuit. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone, I just thought that it was wrong to eat meat, and that meat-eaters were nice enough people – but misguided. My thinking was so quaint. After all, they were my friends and they seemed like such nice people who were sincere in their belief that they were born as meat eaters. And they were offended that I thought that it was wrong to eat meat. They said that if I loved them then I had to love their meat.
Well, one day, after much pleading and begging from my friends, I tried a bite of corn dog. Wow, that was good. I began to see the error of my ways. Then the next day, I had a Quarter Pounder, then a spare rib, until eventually I went all out and ate a T-Bone Steak for dinner! This was an epiphany! I could not believe that I had lived my whole life in this little vegetarian cocoon and had not experienced something as wonderful as this T-Bone! I was converted. They were right – “eating meat is sweet” and I was a Carnivore by Carnivaal (another neat little saying that they had).
But I was also a bit torn – after all, I was a vegetarian. I struggled with this apparent dichotomy, until one day I talked with one of my professors who said that he was a Carnivorous Vegetarian. I thought that this was a paradox and didn’t make much sense but when he explained that the roots of the vegetarian lifestyle went back thousands of years and that in the original manuscripts of the veggie doctrine, the real meaning in the ancient Sumerian language of the concept of vegetarianism was rooted in the idea that it was ok to eat meat, it was just forbidden to eat meat from animals that might become extinct (like Dodo bird, for example) then it suddenly became clear to me: I could be a vegetarian and still eat meat! Of course, I couldn’t eat Bald Eagle, or Siberian Tiger or something, but other than that I was free! This changed my life – I could literally “have my cake and eat it too!” What freedom! I was like Michael Moore at the Golden Corral – I just couldn’t stop eating meat, I reveled in my new found beliefs!
The problem came when I wrote home to tell my folks about what I had done. They couldn’t see it like I did and they were heartbroken and disillusioned. They thought that I had lost my religion, but I assured them that, “No, I am still a vegetarian! I can just eat meat, too!” I thought that we could all get along, but they are stuck in their traditional ways and think that in order to be a vegetarian that you should actually do what vegetarians do and believe what vegetarians believe (aren’t they sort of cute in their antiquated ways?) and that it was wrong and a conflict of principle to eat meat. They just don’t get it. And neither did those Pharisees at the Fair (I should call them Fair-isees, get it?) –they told me get out and take my meat with me.
Well, I am still recovering from that slap in the face, but I have found solace online by joining a support group for Carnivorous Vegetarians, and through my friends – who are so glad that I am a meat-eater now. It also helps to talk with my professors and other students (they are so wise in the things of the world…I was so sheltered before) who have had to shed their past upbringing as fundamental vegetarians and have moved on to the new and emerging vegetarian movement, where you can eat whatever you want and still call yourself a vegetarian/Vegan.
To be honest, I still have some guilt, but I think that is because of those vegetarians preachers on TV or sometimes there are vegetarians who meet (not “meat”, get it?) on campus and try to bring me back to true vegetarianism (but I remind myself that they are just hypocrites who probably help themselves to a can of Spam when no one is looking). I think that the school should ban these kinds of people from sharing their beliefs as it makes me uncomfortable. In fact, I think that the government should ban all fundamental vegetarians from discussing their radical beliefs with others in a public forum, you know maybe they should not allow them to even think their radical thoughts and they should put them in jail to get their minds right – after all, it has been really freeing for me to shed my past convictions and embrace the totality of who I am – a Carnivorous Vegetarian! Yeah, for me! I’m gonna make a quick run to Jimmy Johns!
Titus 1:16 “They profess to know God, but by their deeds they deny Him, being detestable and disobedient, and worthless for any good deed.”
Monday, July 1, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
The Emergent Prophet and John the Baptist
Emergent Prophet here. I’m feeling a bit surly today because I am a little upset about my friend John. He has been taken and put in prison and I am pretty sure that it ain’t gonna work out too well for him. He’s somewhere across the Jordan River in Herod’s summer palace and I’ve heard that he may have been beheaded already. Not sure, but that is the word on the street. Something about some exotic dancer chick getting Herod all worked up about something and he gave her whatever she wanted and she wanted John dead and his head on a platter (she really needs to stop playing those zombie video games) or something like that.
Anyhoo, I am a bit miffed because it didn’t have to work out this way, and I just need to vent. So here goes… I had talked with John just a few months ago, maybe it was more than that, I don’t remember. But I had told him that he was pushing his personal limit and that he needed to change his method of ministry or it wasn’t going to end well. But he wouldn’t listen to me, no sir, he just kept talking something about being on a mission from God, announcing the Messiah and all. I wish he would have taken my advice, and then he could be here right now. Safe and sound. I had been following John around for a while, and we’d become friends, after all, we are both prophets, right? We had some of the same friends, read some of the same blogs, and shared a passion for ministry. Hanging out with John was a trip. Everybody knew who he was, “come out and see the wild man of Judea, watch him eat grasshoppers” and all that. He was a powerful speaker, man, that guy could turn on the heat.
The problem was, and I told him so, was that he was gonna offend some people, some powerful people if he kept on preaching about sin and so forth. I told him to tone it down. As a matter of fact, I told him a bit more than that, I said that if he would clean up his act, I mean, cut your hair, trim your beard (look a little bit more metrosexual, GQ, you know), get some proper clothes then people would be more likely to listen to what he had to say. I think that this was some good advice. I mentioned that he should change his diet a bit, too. The bug thing had to stop. The folks at PETA were getting upset, as were the good people from Animal Planet and it just didn’t look good. It wasn’t like people would give you your own reality show or something if you bit the heads off of defenseless animals. I said that he should consider going Vegan, at least give it some thought. And the honey sometimes would be stuck in his beard and it just gave an impression of someone that was, you know, not normal. Like a Jeus Freak or something.
Besides that most excellent advice, I suggested that he tone down his message. I mean, this was the main thing – people don’t want to hear about their sin and be told that they need to repent. This is the first century after all, I told him he needed to stop sounding so BC (I mean, BCE, I forget about the PC terminology, it’s hard to keep up), we don’t talk about sin anymore. I suggested that he share with people about the God of Love and that this God wouldn’t let anyone go to Hell and that if they would just give Him a shot, then He could truly help them to have their best life NOW, not later, but NOW. That’s Love Winning, right? That’s what people want to hear. Not about giving up sin (I mean who can really define ‘sin’ anyway, right? – that’s just opinions, I mean some would say that sin is just not being true to your own values…how can you argue with that logic?).
So I said, why don’t you talk about God having a wonderful plan for your life and just try Jesus, if He doesn’t work…take Him back. You know whatever it takes to get a disciple, right? Well anyway, John wouldn’t go for it, he kept on preaching about repentance and the kingdom of God and the Messiah. Which probably wouldn’t have been too bad except for then he made the cardinal sin (there’s that word again) of breaking the separation between state and religion. He started preaching about Herod’s tendency to have lots of women, in particular the wife of his brother. John told him that this was wrong and he needed to stop it, and repent (of course). I warned him that preaching and politics didn’t mix and that it was the job the evangelist to just tell people about Jesus -- not getting mixed up in politics and moral issues. I mean, you can’t legislate morality right? And didn’t John even listen to Jesus tell us not to judge people? And not to talk to them about the speck in their eyes when we all have these monstrous logs in our own eyes? I guess John missed that sermon series, I don’t know, but whatever got into him, John thought that it was important to stand up for God’s values even in an immoral culture and to stand up to an ungodly administration. Besides, Herod isn’t even a Jew, how could anyone expect him to live up to God’s laws that were written thousands of years ago and really just applied to the Hebrews, back in the day. I knew he was asking for trouble. Why don’t people listen to me?
Luke 13:3 No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.
Acts 17:30 The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent
Anyhoo, I am a bit miffed because it didn’t have to work out this way, and I just need to vent. So here goes… I had talked with John just a few months ago, maybe it was more than that, I don’t remember. But I had told him that he was pushing his personal limit and that he needed to change his method of ministry or it wasn’t going to end well. But he wouldn’t listen to me, no sir, he just kept talking something about being on a mission from God, announcing the Messiah and all. I wish he would have taken my advice, and then he could be here right now. Safe and sound. I had been following John around for a while, and we’d become friends, after all, we are both prophets, right? We had some of the same friends, read some of the same blogs, and shared a passion for ministry. Hanging out with John was a trip. Everybody knew who he was, “come out and see the wild man of Judea, watch him eat grasshoppers” and all that. He was a powerful speaker, man, that guy could turn on the heat.
The problem was, and I told him so, was that he was gonna offend some people, some powerful people if he kept on preaching about sin and so forth. I told him to tone it down. As a matter of fact, I told him a bit more than that, I said that if he would clean up his act, I mean, cut your hair, trim your beard (look a little bit more metrosexual, GQ, you know), get some proper clothes then people would be more likely to listen to what he had to say. I think that this was some good advice. I mentioned that he should change his diet a bit, too. The bug thing had to stop. The folks at PETA were getting upset, as were the good people from Animal Planet and it just didn’t look good. It wasn’t like people would give you your own reality show or something if you bit the heads off of defenseless animals. I said that he should consider going Vegan, at least give it some thought. And the honey sometimes would be stuck in his beard and it just gave an impression of someone that was, you know, not normal. Like a Jeus Freak or something.
Besides that most excellent advice, I suggested that he tone down his message. I mean, this was the main thing – people don’t want to hear about their sin and be told that they need to repent. This is the first century after all, I told him he needed to stop sounding so BC (I mean, BCE, I forget about the PC terminology, it’s hard to keep up), we don’t talk about sin anymore. I suggested that he share with people about the God of Love and that this God wouldn’t let anyone go to Hell and that if they would just give Him a shot, then He could truly help them to have their best life NOW, not later, but NOW. That’s Love Winning, right? That’s what people want to hear. Not about giving up sin (I mean who can really define ‘sin’ anyway, right? – that’s just opinions, I mean some would say that sin is just not being true to your own values…how can you argue with that logic?).
So I said, why don’t you talk about God having a wonderful plan for your life and just try Jesus, if He doesn’t work…take Him back. You know whatever it takes to get a disciple, right? Well anyway, John wouldn’t go for it, he kept on preaching about repentance and the kingdom of God and the Messiah. Which probably wouldn’t have been too bad except for then he made the cardinal sin (there’s that word again) of breaking the separation between state and religion. He started preaching about Herod’s tendency to have lots of women, in particular the wife of his brother. John told him that this was wrong and he needed to stop it, and repent (of course). I warned him that preaching and politics didn’t mix and that it was the job the evangelist to just tell people about Jesus -- not getting mixed up in politics and moral issues. I mean, you can’t legislate morality right? And didn’t John even listen to Jesus tell us not to judge people? And not to talk to them about the speck in their eyes when we all have these monstrous logs in our own eyes? I guess John missed that sermon series, I don’t know, but whatever got into him, John thought that it was important to stand up for God’s values even in an immoral culture and to stand up to an ungodly administration. Besides, Herod isn’t even a Jew, how could anyone expect him to live up to God’s laws that were written thousands of years ago and really just applied to the Hebrews, back in the day. I knew he was asking for trouble. Why don’t people listen to me?
Luke 13:3 No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.
Acts 17:30 The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent
Saturday, June 26, 2010
The Emergent Prophet at Sodom and Gomorrah
Daily Blog 01: 7:12 am.
Emergent Prophet here. I will be blogging today from the Gay Pride Festival at Sodom and Gomorrah. I know, you are asking yourself, where in the round world has the Wanderer been all these months? After all, it has been a long time since I wrote to you all from the “Event” at Mount Carmel (notice, I didn’t say “Caramel” this time – I am a learner, I am a learner!).
Anyway, I have been so busy, you don’t even know. After Mt. Carmel, I decided that I needed to take a little time to get away from it all, to kind of re-discover myself. After all, I had never really taken the time to examine my old values and beliefs, you know, the ones that were handed down to me by my parents and from the old days of Vacation Torah School, my old Jewish High School, and then of course, Torah College. I had just accepted these traditional teachings and values as my own without really examining them in light of contemporary societal norms and standards. So, now I have done that, and I have re-emerged as a better person. Gone are the days of believing in black and white, right and wrong, sin and judgment, no…that is not me. I am an Emergent Prophet! I thoroughly embrace the Emergent teachings and values. I am my own man. I am independent.
At least that was the mantra that we chanted at the Emergent Prophet’s conference that I attended on the Med coast. There were about 700 or so other independent emergent prophets there (which is a lot considering how much they charge for this “ministry” conference), we have formed a loose knit network of like-minded emergent prophets and we subscribe to a set standard of beliefs (one of them being that you can basically believe anything that you want and still be a part of our network – as long as you are not a fundamentalist, mind you), we receive a monthly newsletter, we pay our dues, and we blog regularly and receive daily emails from our great Emergent Prophet leader – but other than that, I am a free thinker and a free man!
So, in accordance with our general principles, I have started my own fellowship in town. I just picked a town where I thought that there would be a lot of unbelievers (who cares if there were already dozens of synagogues there, they are obviously not enlightened enough to do the job) and was sure to check the local library to be sure that the residents all had lots of money for tithing to the fellowship (even a prophet has got to live, right?), and I started a group meeting at the local pub. We call it Torah and Toddies. We get together with the locals and discuss current issues - sometimes we even use the Torah -then, before we all get too drunk I invite them to come to my fellowship on Saturday morning at the local school gymnasium. (BTW, we have another group starting up in a brothel in the Red Light district - we are calling it “Ladies and the Law”, after all, where else can you find a large group of men on Friday night?).
So now our little group has decided that we should come to the annual Sodom and Gomorrah Gay Pride Parade and Festival. After all, we are theologically conservative and culturally liberal, and you can’t get much more culturally liberal than Gay Pride Celebrations. And, this is Gay Pride month, and it has been given special status by our King (no not God, you fool – the REAL King – King Barack). Anyway, we felt that we should come down and show these people that God is Love and that there is no judgment or condemnation for their chosen lifestyles (did I say “chosen”, what I meant to say was their lifestyle that they were born into without any choice or responsibility of their own). And to show how much I value them as human beings, and support their right to marry, to have children (adopted of course), and to be viewed as equals - I have brought my own family with me - my significant other, and our two children – Adam and Eve. (I know, it’s cliché but give me a break, we were married while I was in Torah College). Adam is eight and Eve is six. They seem to be having a great time. I think it will be good for them to grow up in this “open” environment. Not like the repressive home where I was raised – oh, don’t get me started, my father didn’t want me to date until I was sixteen, and my mother had a fit if I even thought about staying out all night with friends. Thank God (or who/whatever you worship) that I am a recovering fundamentalist. I will not raise my children with those kind of rigid standards, no sir, they will be free to choose their own paths and make their own way in life. Yessiree bob, I am breaking those bonds.
Daily Blog 02: 10:41 am.
For the last several hours we have been handing out free water bottles that are emblazoned with the words “God is Love” right on the bottle. What better way to share God’s Truth with them than to participate with them in their celebration of LGBT-ishness? And besides, it gets really hot out here in the desert and these guys (I guess they are guys – not a judgment statement, just a question) are really working up a sweat as they “perform” on these floats and displays that are being pulled through town by the camels and donkeys. Although you would think that if they just sat and “waved” they would stay cooler, but they seem to be having a good time. I guess they love each other, at least they have a lot of passion.
Daily Blog 03: 12:54 pm.
I just had the nicest group of guys come by our booth. They were really interested in my kids, especially Adam. They asked me if it would be alright if they took him to some of the kiddie rides and games on the other end of the park. I didn’t want to seem judgmental or unkind, so I let him go with them. They promised to bring him back in a few minutes. I believe them. They are nice guys. I’m sure he’ll be fine.
Daily Blog 04: 2:13 pm.
Boy, we are really going through the water bottles here. These people are so hot. What a great ministry idea! We have had hundreds of people take our water bottles and they obviously see that we love them and don’t judge them for their lifestyles and they can clearly read that “God is Love” right on the bottle. Of course, most of them just throw them away, but that’s OK.
Daily Blog 05: 3:58 pm.
I haven’t seen Adam yet. I am sure that he is having a good time.
Daily Blog 06: 4:25 pm.
There was this group of “fundies” who came in the park – they started handing out tracts with Torah passages on them, and then they started praying. People started getting angry and then a bunch of them started throwing things at these “fundies”. Finally, the authorities came and dragged those “fundies” out for causing a disturbance. I hope that our gay friends don’t think that we are like those people. We love them and care about them – we don’t judge them or attempt to impose our outdated values on them. I mean, what these people choose do in the privacy of their homes, or in public parks, or in public bathrooms, or on the major TV and cable networks, in the movies, and in our public schools, is none of my business.
Daily Blog 07: 6:46 pm.
Well, the parade and all the other events are wrapping up. Maybe we will stay and help pick up some of this trash. There sure is a lot of trash everywhere. I guess we should have put out more trash cans and recycle bins, after all, I am certain that these Sodomites care for the environment and wouldn’t willingly just trash the place. It’s the local government’s fault for not providing enough trash cans. That must be it.
Daily Blog 08: 08:19 pm.
Well, it’s getting really late and no sign of Adam. I guess I’ll go look for him. I’m sure he’s OK, after all, these are nice guys.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God.
Emergent Prophet here. I will be blogging today from the Gay Pride Festival at Sodom and Gomorrah. I know, you are asking yourself, where in the round world has the Wanderer been all these months? After all, it has been a long time since I wrote to you all from the “Event” at Mount Carmel (notice, I didn’t say “Caramel” this time – I am a learner, I am a learner!).
Anyway, I have been so busy, you don’t even know. After Mt. Carmel, I decided that I needed to take a little time to get away from it all, to kind of re-discover myself. After all, I had never really taken the time to examine my old values and beliefs, you know, the ones that were handed down to me by my parents and from the old days of Vacation Torah School, my old Jewish High School, and then of course, Torah College. I had just accepted these traditional teachings and values as my own without really examining them in light of contemporary societal norms and standards. So, now I have done that, and I have re-emerged as a better person. Gone are the days of believing in black and white, right and wrong, sin and judgment, no…that is not me. I am an Emergent Prophet! I thoroughly embrace the Emergent teachings and values. I am my own man. I am independent.
At least that was the mantra that we chanted at the Emergent Prophet’s conference that I attended on the Med coast. There were about 700 or so other independent emergent prophets there (which is a lot considering how much they charge for this “ministry” conference), we have formed a loose knit network of like-minded emergent prophets and we subscribe to a set standard of beliefs (one of them being that you can basically believe anything that you want and still be a part of our network – as long as you are not a fundamentalist, mind you), we receive a monthly newsletter, we pay our dues, and we blog regularly and receive daily emails from our great Emergent Prophet leader – but other than that, I am a free thinker and a free man!
So, in accordance with our general principles, I have started my own fellowship in town. I just picked a town where I thought that there would be a lot of unbelievers (who cares if there were already dozens of synagogues there, they are obviously not enlightened enough to do the job) and was sure to check the local library to be sure that the residents all had lots of money for tithing to the fellowship (even a prophet has got to live, right?), and I started a group meeting at the local pub. We call it Torah and Toddies. We get together with the locals and discuss current issues - sometimes we even use the Torah -then, before we all get too drunk I invite them to come to my fellowship on Saturday morning at the local school gymnasium. (BTW, we have another group starting up in a brothel in the Red Light district - we are calling it “Ladies and the Law”, after all, where else can you find a large group of men on Friday night?).
So now our little group has decided that we should come to the annual Sodom and Gomorrah Gay Pride Parade and Festival. After all, we are theologically conservative and culturally liberal, and you can’t get much more culturally liberal than Gay Pride Celebrations. And, this is Gay Pride month, and it has been given special status by our King (no not God, you fool – the REAL King – King Barack). Anyway, we felt that we should come down and show these people that God is Love and that there is no judgment or condemnation for their chosen lifestyles (did I say “chosen”, what I meant to say was their lifestyle that they were born into without any choice or responsibility of their own). And to show how much I value them as human beings, and support their right to marry, to have children (adopted of course), and to be viewed as equals - I have brought my own family with me - my significant other, and our two children – Adam and Eve. (I know, it’s cliché but give me a break, we were married while I was in Torah College). Adam is eight and Eve is six. They seem to be having a great time. I think it will be good for them to grow up in this “open” environment. Not like the repressive home where I was raised – oh, don’t get me started, my father didn’t want me to date until I was sixteen, and my mother had a fit if I even thought about staying out all night with friends. Thank God (or who/whatever you worship) that I am a recovering fundamentalist. I will not raise my children with those kind of rigid standards, no sir, they will be free to choose their own paths and make their own way in life. Yessiree bob, I am breaking those bonds.
Daily Blog 02: 10:41 am.
For the last several hours we have been handing out free water bottles that are emblazoned with the words “God is Love” right on the bottle. What better way to share God’s Truth with them than to participate with them in their celebration of LGBT-ishness? And besides, it gets really hot out here in the desert and these guys (I guess they are guys – not a judgment statement, just a question) are really working up a sweat as they “perform” on these floats and displays that are being pulled through town by the camels and donkeys. Although you would think that if they just sat and “waved” they would stay cooler, but they seem to be having a good time. I guess they love each other, at least they have a lot of passion.
Daily Blog 03: 12:54 pm.
I just had the nicest group of guys come by our booth. They were really interested in my kids, especially Adam. They asked me if it would be alright if they took him to some of the kiddie rides and games on the other end of the park. I didn’t want to seem judgmental or unkind, so I let him go with them. They promised to bring him back in a few minutes. I believe them. They are nice guys. I’m sure he’ll be fine.
Daily Blog 04: 2:13 pm.
Boy, we are really going through the water bottles here. These people are so hot. What a great ministry idea! We have had hundreds of people take our water bottles and they obviously see that we love them and don’t judge them for their lifestyles and they can clearly read that “God is Love” right on the bottle. Of course, most of them just throw them away, but that’s OK.
Daily Blog 05: 3:58 pm.
I haven’t seen Adam yet. I am sure that he is having a good time.
Daily Blog 06: 4:25 pm.
There was this group of “fundies” who came in the park – they started handing out tracts with Torah passages on them, and then they started praying. People started getting angry and then a bunch of them started throwing things at these “fundies”. Finally, the authorities came and dragged those “fundies” out for causing a disturbance. I hope that our gay friends don’t think that we are like those people. We love them and care about them – we don’t judge them or attempt to impose our outdated values on them. I mean, what these people choose do in the privacy of their homes, or in public parks, or in public bathrooms, or on the major TV and cable networks, in the movies, and in our public schools, is none of my business.
Daily Blog 07: 6:46 pm.
Well, the parade and all the other events are wrapping up. Maybe we will stay and help pick up some of this trash. There sure is a lot of trash everywhere. I guess we should have put out more trash cans and recycle bins, after all, I am certain that these Sodomites care for the environment and wouldn’t willingly just trash the place. It’s the local government’s fault for not providing enough trash cans. That must be it.
Daily Blog 08: 08:19 pm.
Well, it’s getting really late and no sign of Adam. I guess I’ll go look for him. I’m sure he’s OK, after all, these are nice guys.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God.
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Emergent Prophet on Mount Caramel
After reading about the latest shenanigans perpetrated in the name of the Church – like Christian leaders observing Ramadan - I got to wondering what it would be like if Elijah would have embraced these ideas during the time of his confrontation with the 450 prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel (1 Kings 18). These musings are written from the perspective of the thoroughly modern Elijah who is now an emergent prophet who was decided to meet together with the prophets of Baal for a dialogue on Mt. Carmel. Elijah is going to keep everyone updated through his blog and twitter page about what happens on that one day.
Daily Blog 01: 7:12 am
First of all, let me start off this blog today by sharing my personal feelings of inadequacy and sense of failure. I was certain that I had invited my Baal worshipping friends to meet me at Mount Caramel. I thought that this was a new specialty coffee shop. I was so looking forward to a double-decaf pumpkin latte with a wonderful drizzle of caramel on top of the freshly whipped (low fat, no antibiotics added, free-range) cream. But, alas, it is not MOUNT CARAMEL, it is a real mountain! Mount CARMEL. Boy do I feel silly. I also feel hungry – I didn’t eat breakfast and was counting on getting a cinnamon raisin scone or perhaps a lemon cream pastry, along with my latte’. I am also frustrated – I was hoping to have a place to plug in my laptop, not to mention having a Wi-Fi hotspot to send my blogs.
Daily Blog 02: 7:36 am
Thank God (well, I don’t really want to say “God” – in case that term is offensive to some of my atheist friends – what I mean is, Thank My Higher Power, so whenever I say “God” , think “Higher Power”) that I brought by iPhone so I can still send my blogs!
Daily Blog 03: 8:16 am
OK. I’m getting really hungry. I wish that I would have thought to bring a muffin, pop-tart, or something…just in case. I don’t know what is taking them so long. I am sure that I told them seven-thirtyish. Oh well, I‘ll try to use the time to give you some background while I am waiting (and to keep my mind off of my growling stomach). You see, this whole thing came from my idea that since Judaism and Baal worship were the two largest religions in Israel, I just thought that we should get together and try to come to some sort of understanding of each other. You know, have some meaningful dialogue about these two great monotheistic (can I say that?) faith traditions. And that together, we could promote the common good.
Daily Blog 04: 8:32 am
Oh, I see them coming now. There are a lot of them…well over 400. They look rather serious (I told them that dress was casual and that there was no need to spruce up) – but they are all coming in their worship robes and all are carrying swords (we really need to have someone register all weapons here – not that I ‘m afraid, just concerned about the whole image thing).
Let me describe them for you: well, I already mentioned that they were in their ceremonial robes and are carrying swords and daggers. Most of these guys have long beards (I mean really long beards) and look like they could use a bath (not that I am judging them – I just come from a bathing tradition). They look very serious, almost angry. I hope that by the end of the day, when it is all said and done, that they will not be so upset with me and they will see that I am their friend and on the same spiritual journey as they are.
Daily Blog 05: 9:26 am
Well, what has happened so far is this: I had suggested that we get together for a orange mocha frappucino, and since that didn’t work out (I already mentioned the whole coffee shop fiasco), I thought that we could have a beer together (not until after 10 am, of course). I mean, that is what my staff and I do when we have problems – we just have a beer together and by the time we’ve quaffed a few of them – the problems don’t seem to be so big. This has been the course for international diplomacy in our country for a little while now, and if it works for King Ahab, then I felt that it would work here, too.
BUT, they said that their religion forbids them to drink alcohol (religion can be such a barrier to good relationships), and they were fasting – at least until the sun went down. So, we had to come up with another plan. They suggested a contest between our two gods. Now I am going on record to say that I was against it from the start – a contest means that someone has to lose. And I believe that everyone is a winner. But, I deferred to their preferences. However, I had to take a stand (without seeming to be too dogmatic) because they wanted to have a human sacrifice – and I told them that I just wasn’t comfortable with that idea (not that I am in any place to judge their faith traditions, and it is above my pay grade to determine when it is OK to take human life), but I just felt that perhaps we could do something else.
So, they suggested that we each offer an ox as a sacrifice and see which god would accept the offering. So I reluctantly agreed (apologies to my PETA, Wiccan, and Hindu friends) along with some stipulations: first of all, we would thank brother cow for giving up his life for this test, then we would apologize to mother earth for upsetting the wonderful balance in nature by taking this ox’s life, and then we would pray that it wasn’t anyone that we knew in a past life. They laughed at me at first, but eventually agreed.
Daily Blog 06: 11:46 am
Wow. All I can say is WOW! I have been watching these guys go at it for over an hour now and I am really impressed with their fervor. I mean, they are crying out to their god, they are jumping around and shouting and yelling – I envy their passion.
Daily Blog 07: 12:32 pm
You know I am beginning to see how misguided I was. For these many years I have believed that there were such things as black and white, right and wrong; but now I see that we all live life in shades of gray and it doesn’t matter how you come to god, just that you come in the way that is comfortable for you. Though, frankly, this way doesn’t look too comfortable – they are starting to cut themselves. But what passion! I really feel that there is much to learn from them.
Daily Blog 09: 1:33 pm
I just fired off a letter to my colleagues as well as some professors in universities and seminaries. The letter (which I’ll post on my website later) apologizes to the priests of Baal for past injustices and inequalities. For example, I took personal responsibility for the fact that one of my ancestors – Gideon – tore down, without any warning or provocation, an altar to Baal. I feel that the root cause of all these years of animosity between these two great traditions - is us. All the problems are really our fault. So, I’ve asked my friends to sign this letter and we will post it in the next Jerusalem Today paper – so everyone can read it! I feel blessed to be here.
Daily Blog 09: 2:12 pm
Well since my last blog, I have had the chance to talk with Ahmed. He was a worshipper who got a little carried away with his ceremonial sword and cut his Achilles tendon. So while he was getting patched up (before getting back to the interpretive dance) we had a chance to talk. I asked him to help me to understand their way of worship – to be my mentor. I told him that I felt that this would be a God-honoring expression of peace, fellowship, and neighborliness. He agreed. Cool.
Daily Blog 10: 5:24 pm
Man, this has been great! I am so tired. I have been jumping around, shouting (my throat is raw), and even cut myself up a bit (hope my life partner doesn’t notice). It is sooooo freeing! We can all learn from this abandonment to the greater good, this freedom to be who you are and to worship whoever you want in any way you want. Man, I can’t wait until the next service at our fellowship – things are going to be different! It’s only Friday, but Saturday’s coming!
Daily Blog 11: 7:02 pm
Well, they have given up. Baal never answered – at least not in any tangible way. But I can see that I have been changed. I don’t even feel the need to go on with this contest – I sense that we have come to a place of understanding. Not that they have let me talk about my beliefs at all, they still think that their god is greater, and all that, but still, I sense that I have changed. And isn’t that what our spiritual journey is about – personal change?
Daily Blog 12: 9:45 pm
I have been so blessed today. We decided that there was no use in me praying to my god any longer, so we talked about what we should do next (BTW, I am going to join these guys on their pilgrimage to Babylon – the spiritual journey that every true Baal disciple must perform, and who knows what’s next – maybe I’ll tag along on a Jihad – just to observe, of course). I am so excited. But they suggested that we end the day with a BBQ – why waste the oxen? But I told them that I was a Vegan. Eventually, we parted company…as friends (though some of the guys still look at me with what appears to be pure hatred – but I am sure that it is something that I said, or did…it must be my fault).
Daily Blog 13: 11:56 pm
As I head to bed I just want to express how wonderful I feel today. I started out the day believing in one god, in one truth, in one way, and now I see that god (whoever he or she is to you) is bigger than that and there can be many ways to Paradise. I now can say that I am less concerned about Doctrine and more concerned about Diversity; I am less concerned about Truth and more concerned about Unity; I am less concerned about being Holy and more concerned with being a part of the Whole. I have decided that I will no longer be known as a prophet, but I will write books, I will reach a wider audience through expensive retreats and conferences, I will fight intolerance! I will be an Author, Speaker, and Social Activist for change. I may even become a Community Organizer! Then…who knows?
All for one in the name of Unity through Diversity and Co-Existence,
The Wanderer (formerly known as the Prophet Elijah)
1 Kings 18:21 And Elijah came near to all the people and said, "How long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him." And the people did not answer him a word.
Daily Blog 01: 7:12 am
First of all, let me start off this blog today by sharing my personal feelings of inadequacy and sense of failure. I was certain that I had invited my Baal worshipping friends to meet me at Mount Caramel. I thought that this was a new specialty coffee shop. I was so looking forward to a double-decaf pumpkin latte with a wonderful drizzle of caramel on top of the freshly whipped (low fat, no antibiotics added, free-range) cream. But, alas, it is not MOUNT CARAMEL, it is a real mountain! Mount CARMEL. Boy do I feel silly. I also feel hungry – I didn’t eat breakfast and was counting on getting a cinnamon raisin scone or perhaps a lemon cream pastry, along with my latte’. I am also frustrated – I was hoping to have a place to plug in my laptop, not to mention having a Wi-Fi hotspot to send my blogs.
Daily Blog 02: 7:36 am
Thank God (well, I don’t really want to say “God” – in case that term is offensive to some of my atheist friends – what I mean is, Thank My Higher Power, so whenever I say “God” , think “Higher Power”) that I brought by iPhone so I can still send my blogs!
Daily Blog 03: 8:16 am
OK. I’m getting really hungry. I wish that I would have thought to bring a muffin, pop-tart, or something…just in case. I don’t know what is taking them so long. I am sure that I told them seven-thirtyish. Oh well, I‘ll try to use the time to give you some background while I am waiting (and to keep my mind off of my growling stomach). You see, this whole thing came from my idea that since Judaism and Baal worship were the two largest religions in Israel, I just thought that we should get together and try to come to some sort of understanding of each other. You know, have some meaningful dialogue about these two great monotheistic (can I say that?) faith traditions. And that together, we could promote the common good.
Daily Blog 04: 8:32 am
Oh, I see them coming now. There are a lot of them…well over 400. They look rather serious (I told them that dress was casual and that there was no need to spruce up) – but they are all coming in their worship robes and all are carrying swords (we really need to have someone register all weapons here – not that I ‘m afraid, just concerned about the whole image thing).
Let me describe them for you: well, I already mentioned that they were in their ceremonial robes and are carrying swords and daggers. Most of these guys have long beards (I mean really long beards) and look like they could use a bath (not that I am judging them – I just come from a bathing tradition). They look very serious, almost angry. I hope that by the end of the day, when it is all said and done, that they will not be so upset with me and they will see that I am their friend and on the same spiritual journey as they are.
Daily Blog 05: 9:26 am
Well, what has happened so far is this: I had suggested that we get together for a orange mocha frappucino, and since that didn’t work out (I already mentioned the whole coffee shop fiasco), I thought that we could have a beer together (not until after 10 am, of course). I mean, that is what my staff and I do when we have problems – we just have a beer together and by the time we’ve quaffed a few of them – the problems don’t seem to be so big. This has been the course for international diplomacy in our country for a little while now, and if it works for King Ahab, then I felt that it would work here, too.
BUT, they said that their religion forbids them to drink alcohol (religion can be such a barrier to good relationships), and they were fasting – at least until the sun went down. So, we had to come up with another plan. They suggested a contest between our two gods. Now I am going on record to say that I was against it from the start – a contest means that someone has to lose. And I believe that everyone is a winner. But, I deferred to their preferences. However, I had to take a stand (without seeming to be too dogmatic) because they wanted to have a human sacrifice – and I told them that I just wasn’t comfortable with that idea (not that I am in any place to judge their faith traditions, and it is above my pay grade to determine when it is OK to take human life), but I just felt that perhaps we could do something else.
So, they suggested that we each offer an ox as a sacrifice and see which god would accept the offering. So I reluctantly agreed (apologies to my PETA, Wiccan, and Hindu friends) along with some stipulations: first of all, we would thank brother cow for giving up his life for this test, then we would apologize to mother earth for upsetting the wonderful balance in nature by taking this ox’s life, and then we would pray that it wasn’t anyone that we knew in a past life. They laughed at me at first, but eventually agreed.
Daily Blog 06: 11:46 am
Wow. All I can say is WOW! I have been watching these guys go at it for over an hour now and I am really impressed with their fervor. I mean, they are crying out to their god, they are jumping around and shouting and yelling – I envy their passion.
Daily Blog 07: 12:32 pm
You know I am beginning to see how misguided I was. For these many years I have believed that there were such things as black and white, right and wrong; but now I see that we all live life in shades of gray and it doesn’t matter how you come to god, just that you come in the way that is comfortable for you. Though, frankly, this way doesn’t look too comfortable – they are starting to cut themselves. But what passion! I really feel that there is much to learn from them.
Daily Blog 09: 1:33 pm
I just fired off a letter to my colleagues as well as some professors in universities and seminaries. The letter (which I’ll post on my website later) apologizes to the priests of Baal for past injustices and inequalities. For example, I took personal responsibility for the fact that one of my ancestors – Gideon – tore down, without any warning or provocation, an altar to Baal. I feel that the root cause of all these years of animosity between these two great traditions - is us. All the problems are really our fault. So, I’ve asked my friends to sign this letter and we will post it in the next Jerusalem Today paper – so everyone can read it! I feel blessed to be here.
Daily Blog 09: 2:12 pm
Well since my last blog, I have had the chance to talk with Ahmed. He was a worshipper who got a little carried away with his ceremonial sword and cut his Achilles tendon. So while he was getting patched up (before getting back to the interpretive dance) we had a chance to talk. I asked him to help me to understand their way of worship – to be my mentor. I told him that I felt that this would be a God-honoring expression of peace, fellowship, and neighborliness. He agreed. Cool.
Daily Blog 10: 5:24 pm
Man, this has been great! I am so tired. I have been jumping around, shouting (my throat is raw), and even cut myself up a bit (hope my life partner doesn’t notice). It is sooooo freeing! We can all learn from this abandonment to the greater good, this freedom to be who you are and to worship whoever you want in any way you want. Man, I can’t wait until the next service at our fellowship – things are going to be different! It’s only Friday, but Saturday’s coming!
Daily Blog 11: 7:02 pm
Well, they have given up. Baal never answered – at least not in any tangible way. But I can see that I have been changed. I don’t even feel the need to go on with this contest – I sense that we have come to a place of understanding. Not that they have let me talk about my beliefs at all, they still think that their god is greater, and all that, but still, I sense that I have changed. And isn’t that what our spiritual journey is about – personal change?
Daily Blog 12: 9:45 pm
I have been so blessed today. We decided that there was no use in me praying to my god any longer, so we talked about what we should do next (BTW, I am going to join these guys on their pilgrimage to Babylon – the spiritual journey that every true Baal disciple must perform, and who knows what’s next – maybe I’ll tag along on a Jihad – just to observe, of course). I am so excited. But they suggested that we end the day with a BBQ – why waste the oxen? But I told them that I was a Vegan. Eventually, we parted company…as friends (though some of the guys still look at me with what appears to be pure hatred – but I am sure that it is something that I said, or did…it must be my fault).
Daily Blog 13: 11:56 pm
As I head to bed I just want to express how wonderful I feel today. I started out the day believing in one god, in one truth, in one way, and now I see that god (whoever he or she is to you) is bigger than that and there can be many ways to Paradise. I now can say that I am less concerned about Doctrine and more concerned about Diversity; I am less concerned about Truth and more concerned about Unity; I am less concerned about being Holy and more concerned with being a part of the Whole. I have decided that I will no longer be known as a prophet, but I will write books, I will reach a wider audience through expensive retreats and conferences, I will fight intolerance! I will be an Author, Speaker, and Social Activist for change. I may even become a Community Organizer! Then…who knows?
All for one in the name of Unity through Diversity and Co-Existence,
The Wanderer (formerly known as the Prophet Elijah)
1 Kings 18:21 And Elijah came near to all the people and said, "How long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him." And the people did not answer him a word.
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